


think i'm goin' down

by adstalaria



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Awkward Boners, Blowjobs, Canon Compliant, Collars, Feelings Realization, Frottage, Kihyun gets a boner from Minhyuk going 'woof' I'm sorry, Leashes, M/M, Mild Pet Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:28:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27711356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adstalaria/pseuds/adstalaria
Summary: He can't stopthinkingabout it. He can't stop thinking about how pliant Minhyuk had been when Kihyun pulled at the leash—can't stop thinking about Minhyuk with his large, wet doe-eyes staring up at him like a cute little puppy.He can't stop thinking aboutMinhyuk, and that's a problem.--Or: Kihyun is into Minhyuk wearing a collar. It becomes more than that when he realizes the reason why.
Relationships: Lee Minhyuk/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 16
Kudos: 72





	think i'm goin' down

**Author's Note:**

> i once read a tweet that said something like "write the fic you want to see in the world" and i wanted kihyuk petplay so here it is!! although it turned out to be less pwp than i intially planned lol. i also started writing this before the fatal love comeback announcement so it's not really accurate either but please enjoy!!
> 
> also happy kihyuk month!! 🐹🐶💙🦈🐋

Kihyun thinks the first time it started might have been right before one of their performances for _Jealousy_. They were all wearing some kind of choker-collar contraption on their necks, and it was only by complete chance that Kihyun’s eyes had wandered to Minhyuk, who had been watching a video on his phone with Jooheon and Changkyun.

Kihyun can still remember how his gaze zeroed in almost instantly on how the choker had hugged snugly around Minhyuk’s neck, the dark leather contrasting starkly against the smooth skin underneath. He kept watching, even as Minhyuk drank from a bottle of water and the choker moved along with the motion of Minhyuk swallowing. It had been such a simple movement—barely anything at all—but it still made Kihyun's throat dry up the moment he saw it happen.

But he also remembers how Minhyuk had managed to somehow piss him off a few minutes before they had to go on stage. Kihyun thinks something really must have been wrong with him that day, because his immediate thought was that he wanted to grab that damn choker by one of its dangling straps and _pull_ until Minhyuk whined and begged him for forgiveness. And instead of being repulsed by the image of Lee Minhyuk all teary-eyed from the leather of the choker digging into his neck, Kihyun's body had responded with a flash of heat that went straight into his lower half and his pants felt impossibly tighter.

But he had no time to ruminate on what that reaction implied, because soon after they were all being rushed out of the waiting room and onto the stage where they were met with the cheers of their fans. During the performance, it had been easy enough for Kihyun to just ignore what had happened and push it aside.

And yet, the thought still lingered in his mind, even days after the performance and promotions finally came to an end. The only thing he could do was have it become a part of his regular jerk off material until it slowly faded away from his mind, resurfacing only whenever he was in the privacy of an empty dorm.

For the most part, it had worked; the thought had eventually tucked itself away into the deep, dark recesses of his mind and far away from his everyday thoughts.

And life kept going.

It had been so long ago that Kihyun had eventually completely forgotten about it.

Until now, when they're shooting the teaser photos for their next comeback and he and Minhyuk are paired as a unit again. The stylists have given Minhyuk another choker to wear, and it feels like two years ago all over again because Kihyun can't stop staring at it.

He knows he's being painfully obvious, boring holes into Minhyuk's head when he isn't looking, but he thinks the stylists are really out to get him this time.

Because Minhyuk isn't _just_ wearing a choker—he's practically wearing a glorified collar and leash. The leather is secured around the other's neck by a shiny silver ring and connected to it, a thin matching silver chain that's just hanging there limply, just waiting for an owner to tug at it.

Kihyun takes another large swig of water as he lets the makeup artists touch up his face. He doesn't know if he'll be able to survive this time. He's at least glad that Minhyuk is doing his solo shots right now, because it'll give Kihyun more time to compose himself and _not_ out himself as some weird pervert.

He not-so-subtly watches over Minhyuk's photoshoot. He had always thought that Minhyuk had a face made to be photographed, but seeing him model from afar makes Kihyun's fingers itch for his own camera. Maybe after the shoot is done. If he can survive until then.

He hears the photographer call out, "Okay, how about we start on the two-shots now?"

Kihyun feels his pulse jump. He takes a deep breath, resisting the urge to run a hand down his face and ruining his makeup, and nods to himself. He’s going to be as professional as he can be. He’s endured a lot since becoming an idol and if he was able to get through it two years ago, he can still do it now.

With a newfound determination, he reconvenes with the rest of the staff who are gathered at the main bulk of the set. They're going for a darker concept this time around, so the set they're shooting in is equally as morose, decorated lavishly in crimson and gold accents. The main focus of the set, however, is the messy, half-made bed that’s meant to contrast against the untouched perfection of the rest of the room. The whole room itself is meant to give off an elegant, yet dangerous feeling to fit in with the concept of their upcoming comeback.

Luckily for Kihyun, it's easy enough to get into the rhythm of work, and with each pose and change of expression, Kihyun thought less and less about Minhyuk's neck even as they stood mere centimeters apart. He breathes out a silent breath of relief; he can handle this afterall.

"You two are looking great," their creative director says. "Kihyun-ssi, can you hold up the chain connected to Minhyuk-ssi's neck so that we can see it better?"

And with that, Kihyun balks, peeking down at the aforementioned chain like it had done something to offend him.

Minhyuk eyes him weirdly. "Are you okay?" he asks in a whisper. Kihyun almost doesn't hear him amidst the clicks and flashes of the cameras.

"I'm fine," he mutters back.

He takes a deep breath. It'll be fine, he tells himself. All he has to do is hold it and then he'll be done. It's just work, and he is a professional who can do his job.

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he reaches over and takes the chain leash gingerly into his hand. It feels comfortable, sturdy enough to wrap around his fingers and pull if he needs to.

He's then instructed to pull on the chain slightly, and he does so with a little more force than what he probably should, heart pounding in a way that makes his ears feel clogged.

It races even faster when Minhyuk follows through with the motion and lets himself be pulled in, his face close enough that Kihyun can feel his breath on his face. He knows that Minhyuk is only allowing him to do this because it's their job and a part of the photoshoot.

He doesn't even know if the photos are even going to end up even making it in the final cut, but knowing how stiff and awkward he's feeling, he doubts any of them would even be approved. He must look foolish right now, avoiding Minhyuk’s curious gaze and sweating underneath his foundation.

After the hell of the first round of duo shots, the photographer speaks up again. "Okay, now Kihyun-ssi, can you sit by the edge of the bed?"

Finally having an opening to escape, Kihyun practically throws himself onto the bed with a loud creak. He smooths out some of the newly formed wrinkles in the sheets with his hands to forget the feeling of cold silver. He knows it doesn't matter when the sheets are meant to be messy in the first place, but the less Kihyun thinks about the collar, the better.

And when Minhyuk shoots him another look, he pretends he doesn't see it.

It's only when the photographer then instructs Minhyuk to kneel down to rest his back against Kihyun's knee does he feel his heart rate pick up again. Minhyuk's back is warm and sturdy against his knee, burning him through the hefty coat and denim. He doesn't dare look down from where he sits. He feels tense, but at least with this pose, he doesn't need to hold eye contact with Minhyuk anymore—in fact, he can't even see the collar from here.

The next few shots go perfectly. Kihyun is able to settle back smoothly like he normally does during photoshoots, even if Minhyuk's constant body heat makes it feel like his leg is being constantly shocked with electricity with every subtle shift of the other's position.

"Kihyun-ssi, I'd like for you to take Minhyuk-ssi's chain again for these next shots."

At this point, it just seems like whenever Kihyun is finally able to relax and let his guard down, the universe decides that it hates him and proceeds to make him suffer again. He really wishes he agreed with Hyungwon about switching up units this time.

But he still nods stiffly, almost robotically reaching down to pick up Minhyuk's leash— _his collar_ —again while trying to only do the bare minimum of what he is asked. The less amount of time he spends doing this, the better.

He brings it back towards himself as he puts his hands in his lap, intending to let it hang limply between them, but is stopped mid-motion by a loud yelp coming from below him.

For the first time since shooting in this new pose, Kihyun looks down to Minhyuk, who had obviously been the one to make the sound. His head is twisted at an uncomfortable angle, Kihyun's knee digging painfully into his cheek from where he's pressed up against. At first, Kihyun doesn't understand why Minhyuk is even doing that—he isn't even facing the camera in that pose.

But then, Kihyun realizes with a sense of dread, that the reason why Minhyuk looks like that is because of the _collar_. Kihyun has never noticed it the first time, mainly because he's avoided actually looking at it up close until now, that the chain leash connecting to Minhyuk's collar is incredibly short. So when Kihyun tried to pull back, it had naturally pulled in Minhyuk's head as well.

"Ow!" Minhyuk exclaims, muffled against the knee in his face. "Are you trying to break my neck?"

"S-sorry," Kihyun stutters back. He's about to just let go and tell the rest of the staff that they shouldn't go through with this pose if it's putting Minhyuk in pain, but the rest of the words die in his throat when Minhyuk scrambles into a different position to lessen the pressure on his neck.

A different position that involves curling into Kihyun's leg, resting a chin atop his knee and looking up at Kihyun with his pretty glittery eyeshadow and pink glossed lips.

Kihyun feels an inferno blazing inside of him.

He stands up immediately, letting go of the leash like it had burned him and almost kicking Minhyuk away in the process, who's currently looking at him with wide, surprised eyes.

"I'm sorry," he says, loud enough that all the staff can hear him as well. "I-I don't think I'm feeling well. I think I need to use the restroom."

Minhyuk frowns at him from where he had tumbled onto the ground at Kihyun's sudden outburst. "I told you that you shouldn't have eaten all that chicken last night."

Kihyun ignores him, desperately looking to his manager, who says a few words to the producers before giving him the okay to leave. He rushes off, pulling his coat tightly against himself to hide what he _knows_ is a massive hard-on in his jeans. He just hopes that no one, _especially_ Minhyuk, saw what had just happened.

He also hopes, with closed eyes and hands clenched tightly together in prayer, that no one heard him jerking off in the bathroom either.

When the teaser photos are finally released on Twitter a few weeks later, they look fantastic, as if Kihyun wasn't in utter crisis the whole time he was there. He's never been more grateful for their photo editors until now.

But even so, Kihyun still can't bring himself to look at the photos for anything longer than a few seconds at a time. Even when the rest of the members gather to look at them and Changkyun tells him how handsome he looks, all he can see when he looks at those photos is the collar around Minhyuk's slender neck and how he practically blew his load right then and there in the middle of the photoshoot.

After all, out of sight, out of mind. If he can't see it, he won't think about it.

Which is a complete lie.

He can't stop _thinking_ about it. He can't stop thinking about how pliant Minhyuk had been when Kihyun pulled at the leash; can't stop thinking about Minhyuk with his large, wet doe-eyes staring up at him like a cute little puppy.

He can't stop thinking about _Minhyuk_ , and that's a problem.

Kihyun has always liked Minhyuk. Even if it seems like the other is always out to give him a hard time, he still thinks of Minhyuk as one of his best friends. Minhyuk is good-looking in a way that makes Kihyun want to hold an entire exhibition filled with just pictures of him. Minhyuk is handsome. Minhyuk is cute. Kihyun likes Minhyuk.

Maybe Kihyun likes Minhyuk in a way that's a little different than how he would say he likes his fellow members.

But Kihyun has never thought about Minhyuk in this kind of way, barring the _incident_ from two years ago, but now that he has, he doesn't think he can stop anymore.

Whenever Minhyuk talks, all Kihyun thinks is how nice his voice sounds. When they're at the studio recording for the album, Kihyun wishes he could listen to Minhyuk's singing all the time. When they're watching a show on Netflix and Minhyuk snuggles up to him with a whale plushie in his arms, Kihyun wants to hold him close and never let go.

And when Minhyuk comes back to the dorm one evening while Kihyun is making ramyeon for dinner to show off a shiny new choker around his neck, Kihyun thinks he might implode.

"What do you think?" Minhyuk smiles at him from where he sits atop the kitchen counter. Kihyun is so shocked that he can't even bring himself to scold him for it.

Kihyun just stands in front of the stove, chopsticks laying loosely in his hands and ramyeon still boiling away in the pot. "When did you…?"

"Went out with Changkyunnie today. He helped me pick it out," Minhyuk tells him proudly, bringing a hand up to trace the edges of the leather choker. "Monbebe seemed to really like it, so I thought 'why not wear it more often'?"

Kihyun feels like the real life version of those video edits that their fans make online. He can practically hear the computer shut down noise going off in his brain.

"So? What do you think? It looks good, right?"

Kihyun nods jerkily, focusing his attention on his ramyeon instead and stirring it idly. "If the fans like it, yeah."

Minhyuk doesn't respond immediately, which makes Kihyun instantly regret opening his dumb mouth at all. Minhyuk is usually so eager to receive praise and thrives under attention, and yet Kihyun, in his panic, had literally brushed him off.

And Kihyun still can't bring himself to even look up at him.

Minhyuk's response comes after an uncomfortably long amount of time in the form of a mumbled _yeah_ , making Kihyun feel even worse. Minhyuk is obviously hurt despite how casual he's trying to sound. Kihyun has known him long enough to know all of his methods of masking how he really feels.

He tries to remedy it as best as he can by clearing his throat and changing the subject, because maybe if they stop talking about the choker then things would go back to normal.

"I'm making ramyeon," he states the obvious and gestures to the pot. "Do you want some?" He finally brings himself to look at Minhyuk, who's still got a finger tapping at his choker and looking particularly interested in a coffee stain next to him.

"No thanks. I was gonna get dinner with Hyungwon later," Minhyuk answers, jumping off from the counter. This time he's the one who isn't meeting Kihyun's eyes. "I'm gonna ask Shownu-hyung what he thinks now. Bye!" And without even a single glance back, Minhyuk leaves the kitchen in bouncy strides.

And yet again, Kihyun is wrong in thinking that a change in subject would make things better. He sighs deeply, contemplating on whether dunking his head in the boiling ramyeon pot would be a good idea or not. Instead, he goes in to stir the noodles again and realizes, with a grimace, that they're way too overcooked now. Kihyun sighs again.

It's the worst meal he's had in a long, long time.

It's awkward after that. Not as if it wasn't already awkward ever since Kihyun has had his strange sexual awakening of being into Minhyuk in a collar, but that had mostly been Kihyun trying his best to not seem like a freak around his teammates. Now, it's just Minhyuk avoiding him and Kihyun not knowing what to do about it. He can feel it, the other members can feel it, and even their managers notice the heavy tension whenever he and Minhyuk are left together.

Promotions begin and reach their end in a blink of an eye, with the music video for their comeback going off without a hitch. It should be the time to celebrate and relax, but all Kihyun can think about is how he desperately just wants Minhyuk to give him the time of day again.

It's easy enough to feign normalcy in front of the camera or during a vlive where Minhyuk clings to him and jokes around as if the incident in the kitchen had never happened, but as soon as the cameras are off and they're back to being _Kihyun and Minhyuk_ , the awkwardness seeps back into the air like a miasma.

It's especially difficult today—their last day of promotion and during their winning encore stage. Minhyuk had brought with him one of the lip tints from the stylists and had proceeded to messily apply it to his lips before turning to each of the members and giving them a big, lipstick covered smooch on the cheek while they were trying to sing. It was chaos—seeing Minhyuk chasing Hyungwon around the stage to grab him into a headlock while Jooheon reciprocated with his own colorless kiss. It had been that energy, combined with the leftover adrenaline after a performance and the rush of glee from receiving a win, that made Kihyun feel like nothing could knock him down. So when Minhyuk finally came up to him to give him his well-deserved kiss, he had reached out first and tugged the older male into a tight embrace. He held Minhyuk close, not even caring that he knocked the other's mic pack out from the force.

He can still feel the weight of Minhyuk's arms thrown around him, the softness of his plump lips against Kihyun's cheek, and the ring of his loud peals of laughter in his ears. At that one moment, everything felt so perfect.

Which is why when they all step back into their waiting room and, like a switch, Minhyuk goes back to giving him the silent treatment, Kihyun feels a weird emptiness inside him. Perhaps this is what heartbreak feels like.

They all change out of their stage outfits and back into their everyday clothes, ready to head out and take the van back to the dorm when Kihyun realizes that he's one of the last ones to leave. He had been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't realized the others had already left. He's sure that he's the only one left, but is proven wrong when he turns around and sees Minhyuk standing near the door scrolling through his phone. He's wearing a large, bright colored hoodie over his jeans and, much to Kihyun's despair, the choker wrapped neatly around his neck.

That had also been extremely difficult for Kihyun. Minhyuk kept wearing the choker for the entirety of their comeback schedule. Whenever they had to go on a variety show, he wore the choker. Even when they did a radio show and no one would be able to see him, Minhyuk _still_ wore the choker. Kihyun had thought that being exposed to it constantly would have lessened the impact it had on him, but he still feels his heart jump into his throat everytime he sees it.

Kihyun kind of wants to see if he can sneak past without Minhyuk noticing, but the other male is blocking the only entrance and exit to the room. If he wanted to leave, he'd have to get past him. But before he could do anything else, Minhyuk notices that he's finished first.

"Hey," he says as he pockets his phone. It's the first thing Minhyuk has directly said to him in a while.

"Hey," Kihyun repeats. No one has yet to come and check on them, so he can only assume that they all left early on purpose to get them to talk. It does sound like something Hyunwoo would think of.

"You were really cool on stage today, Kihyun-ah," Minhyuk says, blinking nervously. "I mean- For this whole comeback you were cool. You did really well."

Kihyun feels his face get warm. He's never been more thankful that he hasn't bothered to remove his makeup today. "Uh, thanks. You too. You looked phenomenal on stage. I know how hard you've been working to improve lately." His heart flutters when he sees Minhyuk's lips begin to curl up. "And the choker looks good, too. It really suits you," he adds. "I'm sorry I brushed you off that one time. I never meant to make it seem like I didn't care."

Minhyuk’s smile turns wry. "Your opinion means a lot to me, Kihyun," he says, scuffing his shoes against the ground. "So I was hurt when it seemed like you weren't even interested in hearing what I had to say. I know you didn't mean it, but I couldn’t help feeling that way.”

Kihyun runs a hand through his hair. "I'm really sorry I made you feel that way. I know it's not an excuse, but I've been strung out over our comeback this time around." _Because I've been having an internal crisis over you the whole time_ , is what Kihyun _doesn't_ add.

"Yeah, I've noticed." Minhyuk nods understandingly. He looks up at Kihyun, a familiar twinkle in his eye. "So I'll forgive you if you pay for dinner."

Kihyun laughs. He really missed this—the playful banter they used to share. "Deal." He holds his arm out for a handshake, only for Minhyuk to grab it and lace their fingers together. Kihyun feels his pulse quicken so intensely that he thinks even Minhyuk might even be able to feel it through their connected hands.

"Promise," Minhyuk says cheerily in English.

He doesn't let go even as they leave the waiting room together and walk down the halls of the building, swinging their held hands between them. Kihyun thinks that he doesn't want him to let go, either.

Things are better now. He and Minhyuk are back on good terms, just like before. The only issue, however, is that Kihyun still has to deal with his developing _whatever_ he has towards Minhyuk. Yes, sometimes Minhyuk gives him a boner and yes, sometimes Minhyuk gives him a boner in the heart as well.

He doesn't ever want a repeat of Minhyuk ignoring him, though, so he would rather deal with the awkward state of always being half turned on whenever they're together and Minhyuk is wearing his choker.

Because that's what Minhyuk is _still_ doing; he still keeps wearing the choker, even when they're just chilling at the dorms with no schedules. Sometimes, he doesn't wear the same choker, but a completely different one that he ended up buying a few days after they reconciled. That one definitely kept Kihyun up at night for a while.

And that is the current state of Kihyun's situation. The dorm is empty with the other four being out on their own individual schedules and personal plans, so it's only Kihyun and Minhyuk who are staying in with nothing else to do. They've just had a late lunch and are now watching a new show on Netflix that Kihyun's been reading about online.

They're in the middle of maybe the fourth episode when Minhyuk stretches loudly, draping himself across Kihyun's shoulders. He's so close, body nice and warm, and Kihyun can see the black leather choker clearly around his neck.

It looks so good on him.

Kihyun understands the effects of a choker; he's been the subject of wearing one for multiple comebacks in the past and the others have had their turn with one as well, but there's something different between wearing one himself and seeing _Minhyuk_ wearing it that makes him go crazy.

He tears his eyes away. If he keeps looking at it, he's not going to be able to keep his thoughts from wandering into less than appropriate territories. He really doesn't want to get hard while watching Netflix with the subject of his maybe-affections.

"I'm hungry," Minhyuk states.

"We _just_ had lunch. Why are you hungry again?"

"It's been two hours since we ate!" Minhyuk pulls away from his shoulder and pouts at him. "My mouth is getting bored."

If Kihyun were any less decent, he would have had something to say about that.

But because Kihyun is a good, upstanding person, he instead tells Minhyuk, "You wouldn't be bored if you focused on the show."

"You're _too_ focused!" Minhyuk exclaims. "Whenever I say something you just nod and keep watching."

"That's what you're supposed to do when you watch something," Kihyun retorts, making his point by turning away to focus on the show again. He jabs a thumb in the direction of the television screen. "You pay attention to it."

Minhyuk groans. "Pay attention to _me_."

That throws Kihyun off for a brief moment. It sounded so cute and it made Kihyun want to chuck the remote at the TV and go give Minhyuk all his love and attention, but he has a point to make and Kihyun is nothing if not stubborn.

Kihyun makes the effort to look unbothered by Minhyuk's whining and rolls his eyes at him. "You really are just like a little puppy sometimes."

And then, Minhyuk flops down and rolls his head into Kihyun's lap, startling him into looking down at him.

Kihyun feels his heart stop.

Minhyuk's hair is splayed out prettily around his head like the halo of an angel. His head is angled in Kihyun's lap so that his neck and subsequently, the choker, is on full display. He looks breathtaking, even without their usual makeup and hair styling.

And he's also dangerously close to Kihyun's crotch.

Kihyun almost forgets to breathe when Minhyuk looks up at him, bringing his balled-up hands up to his face to imitate little paws.

"Pay attention to me," he says cutely. Then, he looks directly into Kihyun's eyes and says, "Woof."

Kihyun feels the blood leave his head so fast it makes him dizzy, the after images of Minhyuk's face blurring in front of his eyes. At first, he thinks he's going to faint, but he quickly regains his focus and is finally met with the clear image of Minhyuk's wide-eyed stare.

But he isn't staring at Kihyun's face.

His eyes are focused on something lower—much lower than anyone would logically look at.

He's staring at the painfully obvious bulge in Kihyun's sweatpants.

Everything happens too fast after that. Kihyun feels an ice cold chill wash over him, his breath coming out in shaky puffs. Before Minhyuk can even open his mouth to make a sound, Kihyun pushes him off his lap with a shriek and bolts off in the direction of his room. He can vaguely hear Minhyuk calling after him but it's all drowned out by the rapid drumming of his heartbeat ringing in his ears.

He closes his door with a slam, locking it and putting his back against it as the sheer panic and shame settles into him and makes him slide down onto the floor.

He's ruined everything now. He's tried so hard to forget about it—to act normal around Minhyuk. But now it's all gone to waste. Minhyuk will never see him the same ever again and he'll hate Kihyun forever. And because Minhyuk will hate him, the whole group dynamic will be ruined and the fans would have to suffer the consequences. He's really ruined everything.

Kihyun can feel the tears begin to prick at his eyes and squeezes them tightly shut, wishing that he could just turn back time and stop his feelings for Minhyuk from ever becoming anything so none of this could ever happen. He buries his face in his arms and hopes that everything has just been a bad dream.

But he opens his eyes and he's still in his room, and the knock from the other side of the door does nothing to wake him up.

"Kihyun?" comes Minhyuk's muffled voice. "Kihyun, please open the door."

Kihyun doesn't answer.

"Kihyun, I promise I'm not mad at you." Minhyuk knocks again. " _Please_ , Kihyun. Can we talk about this?"

"No," Kihyun finally answers. He sounds so quiet he doubts Minhyuk can even hear him.

But it seems like Minhyuk does when he continues, "Okay, you don't have to open the door. You don't even have to respond. Just- Just please hear me out?"

Kihyun doesn't say anything. He just wants to shut Minhyuk's voice from his ears and stop listening, but Minhyuk's voice sounds so upset like he's also been hurt.

There's silence for a while before Minhyuk's voice sounds again. "The real reason why I bought this choker is because I knew you liked it."

That makes Kihyun freeze solid. His mind ends up thinking of a million different meanings to that sentence. Either Minhyuk knew from Kihyun's staring or, even worse, he noticed Kihyun's boner from the photoshoot that day. Maybe he noticed even earlier from two years back. Kihyun clutches at his hair, wanting to bury himself alive in the ground from the shame.

"That day we had the photoshoot for the comeback together- That's when I noticed. I saw your um, predicament."

Kihyun can't help but let out an embarrassed groan. So he really did see it. He wants to die.

"And after that, I asked Changkyun to help me pick out a choker—one that you would have liked. Because I assumed you liked it when I wore one. And it seemed like you did, before I asked you about it."

Kihyun keeps listening, even as he feels like he's melting from the embarrassment.

"You didn't even look at me that day." Minhyuk cuts himself off with a sad sound. "I was afraid that I read the whole situation wrong and that you noticed, so I avoided you until Shownu-hyung and Jooheonnie tried to get us to make up."

He sounds so tense that it reminds Kihyun of the day they debuted together.

"And you told me I looked good," Minhyuk breathes, relief dripping off his voice. "So I wore the choker more. I wanted to look good for you, Kihyun. I wanted you to look at me more—pay attention to me more."

Kihyun sucks in a breath. He can feel his heart racing again, something close to anticipation mixed with hope bubbling away inside his stomach. He waits silently for Minhyuk to keep going—to see if he's going in the direction Kihyun desperately hopes he's going towards.

"So. Um. Yeah," Minhyuk finishes lamely. "That's what I wanted to say. Uh, if you really don't want anything to do with me anymore, then just don't say anything and I'll get the message. Thanks for hearing me out."

For a while, Kihyun finds himself at a loss for what to say. He has so _much_ he wants to say, but his body feels so stretched out to its limit that he doesn't know how to move the proper muscles to form words anymore.

It's not until he hears the creak of the floorboards on the other side of the door that he jumps to his feet, swinging the door open with as much strength as he can to catch Minhyuk halfway through turning away. He reaches out, grabbing the other by the shoulder and enveloping him in a wide embrace.

"Please," Kihyun says, voice hoarse from how scratchy his throat had suddenly become. "Tell me if I'm reading this wrong."

Minhyuk is still within his arms, blinking owlishly down at him. "Wrong?"

"Tell me if this isn't what you want," Kihyun clarifies. "Because I'm gonna kiss you, and if you don't want me to then tell me."

"What?" Minhyuk squawks. His arms come up to hover hesitantly around Kihyun's sides. "You want to kiss me?"

Kihyun nods quickly. "I think I like you, Minhyuk. I really like you and I _really_ hope what you said back there means that you like me too so I can kiss you." He's speaking so fast, words spilling out of him as if they're overflowing from how much he couldn't say earlier.

"You- like- I—" Minhyuk sputters, stopping himself to bite his lips. He doesn't say anything else, only nodding briskly and finally hooking his fingers into the fabric of Kihyun's t-shirt.

And with that, Kihyun wastes no more time and grabs the sides of Minhyuk's face, tilts his head, and brings their lips together.

Kihyun has only imagined what kissing Minhyuk would be like a handful of times, but nothing his imagination could conjure can even compare to what it actually feels like. Minhyuk's lips are so soft and plump against his own that it makes Kihyun want to take a bite out of them.

So he does. He takes Minhyuk's lower lip between his teeth, nibbling lightly on it and relishing in the high whine that comes out from the other's throat. His fingers twist into Minhyuk's hair while he takes one hand and _finally_ gives into the urge to trace his fingers against the seams of the choker. It feels like so much at once and yet not even close to enough.

Kihyun gives Minhyuk's lips one last lick before pulling away, admiring his handiwork in the swell of the other's lip and the high blush across his cheeks. He knows his own face is equally as flushed.

"I really like you, Kihyunnie." Minhyuk's lips stretch out into a smile, at last wrapping his arms fully around Kihyun and returning the hug. "I really, really do." He sounds like he might cry, and judging from the wetness in his eyes, he might already be.

"I've liked you for the past three years," Kihyun blurts out. "I only realized now, but I've liked you for so long." He can't believe how long he's gone without realizing and even more so that Minhyuk likes him back. Now that he knows and he's had a taste of him, he can't even fathom a time where he didn't like him.

Minhyuk laughs, joyful and adorable. "I've liked you since _forever ago_. Now kiss me again, okay?"

And who is Kihyun to ignore such a request?

"You know, Hyungwon messaged me and told me that him and the others are going to meet up with Hoseok-hyung for dinner," Minhyuk tells him as he snuggles further into Kihyun's neck as they lounge on his bed.

"Do you want to go?" Kihyun asks, tilting his head to look down at him. It's been a while since they've gotten to meet up with Hoseok, with them having their comeback and the older male currently in preparations for his own.

Minhyuk hums, shaking his head. "I do, but this kind of opportunity only comes once in a lifetime."

Kihyun raises a brow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, the dorms are empty, and no one's going to be back for a while so…" Minhyuk trails off, drawing circles into Kihyun's chest with a coy finger.

Within an instant, heat blares into Kihyun's body and settles warmly in his stomach. "Are you saying you—"

Suddenly, Minhyuk sits up, jumping off the bed in a split second. "Wait here. I'll be right back, okay?" And without even waiting to hear Kihyun's response, he leaves the room.

Kihyun, confused, sits up from the bed. He really can never understand Minhyuk's train of thought sometimes, but rather than getting frustrated like he remembers being in the past, he finds it charming in a way. It's so uniquely Minhyuk that he thinks in such deep and unconventional ways. It gives Kihyun so many different perspectives that he's never had the opportunity to experience before.

Sometime during Kihyun's thoughts, he hears footsteps approaching again. He's about to look up and ask Minhyuk what reason he had to get up and leave so suddenly, but when he actually does, his voice dies in his throat and his mouth goes dry in a flash.

Because at the doorway is Minhyuk, still dressed as he was before in his baggy sweater and shorts, but instead of the black leather choker he had been wearing up until now, it's been replaced with a rich burgundy collar. Kihyun's eyes go wide, trailing over each groove of the shiny gold buckle and moving down to the matching leash twirling in Minhyuk's hand. Kihyun feels almost lightheaded. His sweatpants feel uncomfortably tight.

"Minhyuk, you—"

Minhyuk has a smirk across his face, clearly proud of the reaction he incited. "Do you like it?" He purrs. "I got it just for you."

"I- You- You look _stunning_." Kihyun swallows. " _God, Minhyuk_ …"

Minhyuk grins, slinking towards him with confident steps. "You called?"

When he's close enough, Kihyun takes a hold of the leash, rubbing his thumb against the softness and admiring the quality of the material. Minhyuk must have been serious when he bought this. "Can I…?"

Minhyuk nods eagerly, eyes full of want. "Please. You can be rough if you want. I don't mind."

"I've never done this before," Kihyun says. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You could never hurt me, Kihyun-ah," Minhyuk replies. "But I'll tell you if there's anything wrong. I promise."

Kihyun bites the inside of his cheek in trepidation. "I know there's supposed to be rules to this. Do you need a safeword?"

"Cucumber," Minhyuk answers immediately.

The speed of the response makes Kihyun laugh. "I wouldn't have expected anything else."

Minhyuk rolls his eyes as if to say, _of course_ , but lets out a surprised sound when Kihyun suddenly pulls him down with the leash.

"Still good?" Kihyun whispers.

"Yeah," Minhyuk breathes back and leans in, a knee up onto the bed, to close the distance between their lips. "More than good."

Every kiss with Minhyuk feels even better than the last, shivers running down Kihyun's spine every time their tongues slide against one another. Kihyun takes his time mapping out every corner of Minhyuk's mouth, swiping across teeth and tongue until he's practically got it memorized.

He holds Minhyuk in place with the leash, putting just enough pressure so that he wouldn't be able to pull away unless Kihyun allows him to. Just the feeling of having that kind of control over the other is enough to fan the flame of arousal inside him.

But the leash isn't enough to keep Minhyuk in check, because halfway through the kiss Kihyun feels hands coming up to rest on his thighs and daring to go further up. Kihyun breaks the kiss, yanking on the leash until he hears Minhyuk whimper.

"I didn't say you could touch yet, Minhyuk," Kihyun says. He keeps his tone sharp, but he looks into Minhyuk's eyes in a silent question of, _is this okay?_ When Minhyuk nods quickly, as best as he can past the tension of the leash, Kihyun continues with a click of his tongue, "So impatient. I thought you wanted to be good?"

"I _do_ ," Minhyuk chokes out. "Wanna be good for you."

Kihyun nips his nose affectionately, bringing his free hand to cup the back of Minhyuk's neck. "And what do we do when we want something?"

Minhyuk chews on his lower lip, turning it into an attractive rouge that makes Kihyun want to kiss him even more. He opens his mouth to answer, "Ask for permission. Kihyun, please? Can I touch you?"

Hearing those exact words makes Kihyun fill out in his sweats, so turned on that he doesn't know if he'll even last if Minhyuk were to get anywhere near his dick. But he wants to feel Minhyuk on him so badly he can't think straight.

"Yeah," he breathes out, letting go of the leash temporarily to run his hands across Minhyuk's abdomen, wriggling his hands under the sweater to feel the lean muscle underneath. He thinks about taking it off when Minhyuk briefly breaks away to finish the job and pulls the oversized garment over his head, tossing it onto the floor. Before Kihyun could even take the time to admire the other's shirtless form, Minhyuk dives in to pull at the elastic waistband of his sweatpants.

Somehow within seconds, Minhyuk has gotten Kihyun's sweats and underwear out of the way just enough to be able to pull Kihyun's throbbing erection out into the open air. Kihyun sucks in a breath through his nose as Minhyuk's roaming hands grope around the shaft. They feel like fire against his sensitive skin and Kihyun feels like he'd be able to get off to just the sight of Minhyuk staring at his dick in wide-eyed fascination.

"It's so pretty, Kihyunnie," Minhyuk coos, thumbing a bead of precum at the tip and making a sound of satisfaction when Kihyun moans. He looks up at him, cheeks flushed with arousal as he licks his lips. "Pretty please can I suck you off? I really want to."

And it hits Kihyun in all the right ways. He groans, feeling himself twitch in Minhyuk's grasp. He nods, not trusting himself to be able to give a coherent response when all he can think of is Minhyuk's soft, pretty lips wrapped around his cock.

It takes everything in his power not to come right then and there when Minhyuk leans in and takes the head into his warm, wet mouth. It's almost too much—far more intense than any of Kihyun's late night fantasies have ever been, as if his nerves have become infinitely more sensitive when under Minhyuk's skilled tongue.

And Minhyuk is surprisingly good at sucking dick, hollowing out his cheeks and lavishing the tip with tantalizing licks, even being careful not to take in too much else he gag. Either he's had experience in this before, or Kihyun is just easy to please. Maybe it's a bit of both.

"God you're- you're _unreal_ ," Kihyun hisses. No longer able to keep his hands at bay, he reaches down and threads his fingers through Minhyuk's messy hair, scratching his scalp like he would a dog's fur. "You're so good, Minhyuk. Such a good boy."

Minhyuk moans, sending vibrations down his dick and Kihyun is surprised he hasn't blown his load immediately. Minhyuk looks beautiful and _perfect_ right now, eyes watery with unshed tears and lips stretched wide around his cock. Kihyun kind of wishes Minhyuk had worn makeup today, because imagining Minhyuk's lipstick-coated lips all smudged and wrapped around him is too tempting of an image to give up. He'll have to suggest that for next time, if Minhyuk is willing.

But right now, he's teetering on the edge from Minhyuk's mouth and hands alone. He doesn't know how much longer he'll last, especially when Minhyuk presses his tongue against his slit, eliciting a full body shudder from him. Coincidentally, his gaze moves over to the bed, where he suddenly remembers the existence of the leash again. He reaches out, wrapping it into his hand and giving it a firm tug to get Minhyuk off.

Minhyuk makes a sound of surprise, squeaking when he feels the tightness around his neck pull him away from Kihyun's dick. He looks up at him, confused.

He's definitely a sight to behold. Minhyuk's got his hair stuck to his face, eyes teary and red, tongue still sticking out from the blowjob and a line of sloppy drool running down his chin. Kihyun almost wishes he could get his camera to capture the moment, but he files that idea away for another time instead.

He reaches out, holding Minhyuk's chin within his hand, wiping away the spit with his thumb. "Look how messy you are, drooling like a little puppy."

A whimper squeezes its way out from Minhyuk's throat. Clearly, he seems to enjoy the name. Which is good, because Kihyun likes it quite a lot as well.

He smiles. "Did you enjoy the treat, puppy?"

Minhyuk nods and sucks his tongue back in, licking some stray precum on his upper lip. His face scrunches up like he's eaten something bad. "Bleh."

Kihyun lets out a breathy chuckle. "It can't be _that_ bad. Let me try." And he leans down to lock their lips together, tongue delving deep into Minhyuk's mouth. Instantly, he's hit with the bitter tang of his own fluids. It's not exactly the best taste, but it's honestly not as awful as he would have expected it to be.

Minhyuk moans into his open mouth, arms coming up to wrap around Kihyun's shoulders to drag him closer. Kihyun stops him with a sharp yank of his leash. Minhyuk groans, clutching onto Kihyun's shirt impatiently. " _Kihyun_ , c'mon."

Kihyun hushes him by putting a finger up to his lips. "Don't be so impatient." He pulls on the leash again, this time tugging Minhyuk up from his knees. He pats an area of the bed next to him. "C'mere. Up. And take your shorts off too."

With a pout, Minhyuk follows, standing up to wiggle out of his shorts and underwear. Then, instead of getting onto the bed, he throws his leg around the side of Kihyun's and plops right into his lap instead.

Amused, Kihyun kisses away the pout. It's not what he had in mind, but he certainly isn't going to complain about Minhyuk making himself at home in his lap, dick hard and leaking against his stomach. Kihyun can't take his eyes off it. It stands tall, flushed a pretty shade of pink at the head. Kihyun would have never thought there would come a day where he would admire someone else's dick, but Minhyuk seems to constantly go against all his expectations.

"Your turn," Minhyuk says, tugging the collar of Kihyun's t-shirt insistently. "Off, off!"

With a fond roll of his eyes, Kihyun obliges. He takes off the sweaty shirt, leaving his heated skin exposed to the air. He thinks about taking his sweats off too just so the two of them could be even, but that would mean having to momentarily push Minhyuk off his lap and he doesn't want that at all. He doesn't want a single moment to go to waste.

Minhyuk's hands are on him in an instant, feeling up every inch of his upper body and leaning in to give him another kiss. Kihyun sighs into it, bringing his arm up to curl around Minhyuk's waist. He lets go of the leash again, instead trailing down Minhyuk's chest, brushing past his nipples, down his torso and finally wrapping around his neglected cock. It's hot and heavy and pulsing in his hand.

Minhyuk lets out a loud moan at the contact, almost biting Kihyun's tongue in surprise. He bucks into Kihyun's hand, seeking more contact. It's unbearably cute.

"Such an eager puppy," Kihyun teases, kissing the shell of Minhyuk's ear and watching it turn red.

Minhyuk pants, grinding into Kihyun's loose fist. He tilts his head prettily, giving Kihyun the perfect view of his collar against his skin. He looks up at him through his lashes. "Puppy deserves a reward, don't you think?"

It all goes straight to Kihyun's painfully hard dick. He groans, burying his face in Minhyuk's shoulder. He says to him in a muffled voice, "You'll be the death of me, I _swear_."

" _I'm_ the one who's gonna die if you don't touch me _right now_." Kihyun can hear the frustration from his voice alone. "Please? I've been good, haven't I?"

"You've been very good, Minhyuk-ah," Kihyun answers quickly, raising his face to kiss Minhyuk on the cheek. He doesn't want Minhyuk to think for even a millisecond that Kihyun doesn't want him. "You're absolutely wonderful."

Minhyuk's face splits into a grin as he nuzzles against Kihyun's head, readjusting his body in Kihyun's lap and dropping all his weight onto him. The bed creaks in protest.

Kihyun takes that as the signal to continue. He starts out slow and careful, making long strokes up and down Minhyuk's cock, letting the precum provide ample lubrication. Kihyun feels like his insides have been replaced with molten lava as he watches Minhyuk fall apart within his hands. Minhyuk has his eyes closed in pleasure, hips twitching as he cries out Kihyun's name. The blush on his face has grown, spanning down onto the milky skin of his chest in ruddy patches.

Kihyun is so hard, but he's unable to take his eyes off Minhyuk—too focused on the other's pleasure to even think about his own. He wants Minhyuk to feel good and he wants to see it done by his hand.

Minhyuk, on the other hand, seems to have a different idea when he manages to crack his eyes open in a moment of clarity. He slides his hands from their firm grip on Kihyun's shoulders, dropping them down to take hold of Kihyun's aching cock. He leans in to give Kihyun a messy, open mouthed kiss. "Want you to feel good too," he murmurs against his lips. "Wanna do it together."

Kihyun gasps sharply upon feeling Minhyuk's fingers around him again. He doesn't know how much longer he'll be able to keep going. He grips Minhyuk's waist harder, pulling him closer until they bump against each other. He shifts his hand to wrap around both of them, relishing in the noise Minhyuk makes when their bare skin rubs together.

Kihyun releases his hand when Minhyuk begins to grind against him with enthusiasm, the combined wetness of their cocks making the friction so much more intense. It gets even worse—or better, in a different kind of way—as Minhyuk reaches in between them to engulf both of them in his large hand. He jerks both of them off in tandem with his stuttering hips, effectively bouncing himself in Kihyun’s lap.

It makes Kihyun think about Minhyuk sitting on his dick and riding him into oblivion, the mental image alone being enough to make him moan out loud. But as much as he would love to have his dick inside Minhyuk, they haven't had their company mandated health checkups in a while, and Kihyun wants sex with Minhyuk to be both safe and good for both of them. Until then, he's more than happy to settle with this.

He's right on the edge now, every movement bringing him closer and closer. He wants to hold out, because some small, romantic part of him wants them to come together, but just looking at Minhyuk's blissed out face is enough to make him burst. In a bout of pleasure-induced delirium making his brain nonfunctional, Kihyun's hand finds the leash hanging from Minhyuk's collar, pulling him in harshly to crash their lips together. His other hand digs into Minhyuk's slim hips with his nails.

Minhyuk, however, practically throws himself into the rough kiss with even more fervor. " _Mm_ \- _ah-_ Kihyun Kihyun. So good. Kihyun—"

"I'm close," Kihyun tells him in a voice just above a whisper.

"Me too," Minhyuk whimpers, placing his unoccupied hand over the one Kihyun has holding the leash. " _Ah_ \- Ki—"

He cuts himself off, coming unceremoniously with a hoarse cry. Kihyun manages to hold on long enough to watch Minhyuk throw his head back, trembling in his lap as he's hit with his orgasm.

And that's enough to get Kihyun to finally come, the tight heat in his stomach unfurling like a punch to the gut. He feels his own fluids spray out against his stomach, messily mixing with Minhyuk's. By the end of it, he's gulping in air, feeling the energy seep out his limbs and leaving him feeling akin to a rubber band that's lost its elasticity.

He lets out a pained groan when Minhyuk goes boneless against him, knocking him down by putting all his weight onto him. He looks down and sees that Minhyuk seems to be in a similar state of exhaustion, eyes glassy and unfocused.

Affection swells up in Kihyun's chest. He kind of wants to hold Minhyuk like this forever.

So he wraps his arms around Minhyuk's bare back and pulls him flush to himself. His fingertips trace the area where he knows Minhyuk's tattoo is.

But there's also a vaguely wet squelch that sounds from between them, reminding Kihyun of the sticky mess they've made on their stomachs. He feels way too tired to get up and just wants to lay here and cuddle with Minhyuk for the rest of the evening, but he knows that if they didn't clean it up they'd definitely regret it later.

"Minhyuk-ah," Kihyun murmurs, reaching out to brush the other's hair out of his eyes.

Minhyuk scrunches his face. "Hm?"

"We need to clean up and get dressed." When all he gets in response is a petulant whine he continues, "Come on, puppy, you don't want to fall asleep like this."

"I _could_ ," Minhyuk says.

Kihyun frowns. "You'll get sick. Everyone's gonna get worried."

Minhyuk muffles a sound against Kihyun's chest. "Fine," he says once he looks back up.

It takes a bit more effort than Kihyun feels like he can muster. Minhyuk is barely cooperative, lazing around in bed and only moving when Kihyun tells him to roll over so he could clean him with a damp towel. The redressing part, thankfully, comes much easier once the post-coital warmth slowly starts dissipating and leaves Minhyuk no choice but to clothe himself again.

After making sure that the used towel is taken care of and put in the washer, Kihyun returns to his room where he finds Minhyuk barely conscious and waiting for him.

"You could have just taken a nap first instead of waiting for me," Kihyun says, but he knows there's a wide smile on his face. Minhyuk is just too cute, afterall.

Minhyuk pries a single eye open to peer up at him. "Less talk, more cuddling."

"Anything for you, puppy."

Minhyuk coos at him for the petname and immediately wraps his arms around him once Kihyun gets under the blankets with him. Kihyun notices that Minhyuk is still wearing his collar but with the leash taken off.

He taps the side of it with his finger. "Not going to take this off?" 

"Hm? Why should I?" Minhyuk asks groggily, stifling a yawn. "I like wearing it. Reminds me that I'm yours."

Even though Kihyun already came less than twenty minutes ago, he still feels himself twitch in his sweats at Minhyuk's bold declaration. But he's also extremely touched. He grabs Minhyuk's hand, pulling it up to leave a chaste kiss on the back of it. "I'm yours, too, Minhyuk-ah."

Minhyuk doesn't give him a response, already fast asleep. But Kihyun knows he doesn't need one, because the fact that Minhyuk is next to him and in his arms is already more than enough.

Kihyun comes back to the dorm and is met with the loud, familiar voices of Minhyuk and Jooheon in conversation.

"Maybe this one?" He hears Jooheon ask. "It would look great on you, hyung!"

Minhyuk hums in thought. "Maybe. But I was also thinking about this one? It'll go well with some of my outfits."

Curiosity getting the better of him, Kihyun quickly sets his things down and joins them in the living quarters. "What are you two talking about?"

Minhyuk lights up. "Kihyunnie! Perfect timing!" He bounces over to him, grabbing his arm and pulling him over to the couch where Minhyuk has his laptop open on the table. "Which one do you like?" He points at the screen.

"I think the blue one looks good," Jooheon says to him.

Kihyun sits down beside Minhyuk, checking out the website that the two were looking at. He almost chokes on his own spit at what he sees.

It's an online store cataloguing various different designs of chokers and collars. Completely innocent fashion accessories for the unknowing eye, such as Jooheon, but Kihyun instantly knows what this is about. 

Everyone already knows about his and Minhyuk's relationship, but he still tries to keep himself from blushing.

"I was thinking about this black one. What do you think, Kihyun?"

"Hyung, you already have a black one though!"

Minhyuk and Jooheon's bickering fades into the background as Kihyun regains enough composure to scroll through the site.

The blue one Jooheon mentioned is pretty cute and the black one Minhyuk likes is simple and easy to coordinate with. Kihyun thinks both of them would look beautiful as long as Minhyuk is the one wearing them.

So he tells Minhyuk exactly that, earning a squeezing hug around his shoulders and an, "Aw, you're so sweet, babe."

Kihyun keeps scrolling, and his eyes are instantly drawn to a nice, sturdy looking collar with silver accents and his interest is instantly piqued. Especially so when he sees a little note in the description that more or less says that the store does customizations like engravings on select products. He's almost about to suggest it, but he changes his mind at the last minute and keeps it to himself instead. He and Minhyuk have been going strong for the last few months, but he doesn't know if they're at the stage in their relationship where that kind of thing would be too soon to jump into or not.

In the end, Minhyuk settles for both, citing that he would look good in both and that one more wouldn't hurt his wallet, as long as Kihyun also likes them. And Kihyun of course likes them; he likes anything Minhyuk does.

Minhyuk leans against him, idly playing with Kihyun's fingers as he talks animatedly with Jooheon and soon, Hyungwon, when the latter finally leaves his room to join the conversation. Minhyuk is so bright, and just listening to him talk about whatever it is he's done today is enough to keep Kihyun utterly smitten.

He eyes the collar on the screen again. Maybe they could get one with his name engraved on the tag. For next time.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! comments and thoughts are always very much appreciated <3 hope i can continue to water the kihyuk tag some more in the future!
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/kihyukest)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/adstalaria)


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